Food: Chinese Chinese v American Chinese

	In China	In the USA
The Table	Always round	Sometimes round
How to Eat	All of the food goes in the center of the table and everyone grabs one chopstickful at a time. Rice is in a small bowl.	Food also in the center. People pile rice onto a plate and then heap a little bit 'o everything on or around the rice.
What to Drink	Always warm water or hot green tea. Fizzy drinks are common, though not always cold. Alcohol (beer, baijiu, red wine) also common, not always cold.	Hot tea is common and usually accompanied with ice water. Ice water is a major no-no in China. Cold fizzy drinks are too common. Only beer is common and served cold.
Flavors	Some dishes are sweet; some spicy; some salty; and some sour. Some hot and some cold. Texture is important. Steamed rice serves as the neutral flavor. Fried rice is only consumed as a stand alone meal.	Almost everything seems to err on the sweet and saucy side. Everything seems soggy. Even with plain rice it always seems too sticky.
Cooking Style	Some dishes are sauteed; some braised; some fried; some boiled; some steamed; some pickled.	Almost every dish is sauteed. The rest are fried.
Food Composition	One out of every 3 or 4 dishes is a "meat dish" (contains meat but not usually more than half meat).Vegetables and fungi predominate and nuts are common.	Dishes are very meat-centric and more than half of all dishes are primarily meat. Veggies and fungi are common but don't play as large a role.
Meats	Pork is the standard meat. Chicken follows. Freshwater fish, mutton, beef, duck, goose, quail and other assorted water animals are common protein sources. Meats commonly include both fatty and lean portions as well as bones.	Beef is king followed closely by chicken and pork. Saltwater fish, turkey and duck round out the meats. All normally served fatless and deboned.
Settling the Bill	Many people loudly fight for the right to pay. The person least publicly anxious to pay will usually sneak by and pay, at which point he's offered a cigarette.	Split the bill.

Just some things I've noticed. Am I missing anything? Am I mistaken? SL

How To Tell If Your Girlfriend is Chinese

Do you have a girlfriend? Are you blind? Have you ever wondered: Is my girlfriend Chinese? Let me help.

Just answer a few easy questions.

Step 1. Don't We Look Cute?

Are you wearing the same shirt, sweater, jacket or hat? Have you ever?

Step 2. God Gave Me Three Arms For A Reason

When in public do you carry her purse, even the very girlie ones? (Any answer other than "Yeah, occasionally." or "No." is considered an affirmative response.)

Step 3. Like Being Chocked By A Weak Midget.

Does your girlfriend make you carry her on your back in public more than once a year?

=======================

After months of careful mathematical, psychological and sociological studies my team of mathematicians and I have come up with the following results:

Answer in the affirmative to any one (1) question:
There's a 46% chance your girlfriend is Chinese.

Answer in the affirmative to any two (2) questions:
There's a 100% chance your girlfriend is Chinese.

Answer in the affirmative to all three (3) questions:
Your Chinese girlfriend is taking advantage of you.

Brand Whores

For A Friend

Last night I went to a hardcore punk concert at a place called The Black Iron. I know, what a hardcore name, right?! The band playing was a Norwegian-Swedish-English amalgam known as Riots and they were pretty cool. 

Typical of rock shows in Nanchang nobody in the audience was doing much other than taking photos and shooting videos. I was at the show with the UN Security Council (representatives from the US, France, Russia, China, and England via Pakistan) and some of us tried to start a mosh pit. We failed. Miserably. It had worked before but last night was not our night.
Anyway: the point. Mid-show, mid-song a well-dressed, middle-aged hyphenated Chinese man grabbed the head of the guitarist's Gibson, gave it a two second look-look, and then gave the guitarist a thumbs up. The well-dressed, middle-aged overly hyphenated Chinese man approved of the guitar choice. Carry on.

I mentioned the incident to the band after the show and we had a laugh. Har har har. At some point shortly thereafter someone came to our mostly-foreigner table and asked where we were from. We laughed and answered (in order): Norway, US, England, Norway, France, Russia, Brazil, Sweden, Norway, Pakistan, China, and Pakistan again. What a fun night.  SL

Hey Heinz: You Owe Me Some Money!

Last week I was at Wal-Mart (yep, as ugly as the American ones but terribly overpriced) and while filling my cart with some Western supplies such as Skippy peanut butter, non-sweet mayonnaise and non-sweet sandwich bread I spotted some bottles of Heinz Ketchup which had recently arrived.

Up to this point my ketchup selection was limited to Del Monte and various native brands, all of which are terrible since I'm accustomed to Heinz's magic formula. With a child-like smile I reached down and grabbed a bottle of the magic Heinz sauce. Here's where it got real.

There was a Chinese guy pondering the four other varieties of ketchup but as soon as he saw me instinctively go for the Heinz he dropped the ones he was considering and picked up the Heinz bottle! Since the Heinz ketchup is priced in the middle of the other bottles (about 7RMB) I doubt he considered it because in China price is the first-- and often only-- consideration; the more expensive something is  the better it is.

As I walked away and towards the peanut butter aisle I saw him put the Heinz bottle into his cart. For a few seconds I felt really special, like an American product ambassador of sorts but his reaction was totally natural. In one of my first shopping trips in China I remember standing in front of about 30 vinegar bottles, unable to pick one. Then a guy came up beside me and went straight for his brand. "If it's good enough for him it's good enough for me" I thought and picked the same bottle.  Similarly, I am certain the Chinese guy thought something like: "This foreigner was breastfed hamburgers and fries so he must know his ketchup." Well, Sir, I do know my ketchup. Now spread the word among your wealthy Chinese circle that Heinz is the best.

So in conclusion...
Heinz: you owe me some f#*@$%n money.

On a related note: All foreigners in China should get a monthly check from American and European companies for advertising their products. Even now my Western uniform consists of Puma, Levi's, Lacoste, North Face, and Esprit. I am a walking western product billboard and this free advertising must end at once.  But I'll settle for some new shoes, Puma. SL