How To Tell If Your Girlfriend is Chinese

Do you have a girlfriend? Are you blind? Have you ever wondered: Is my girlfriend Chinese? Let me help.

Just answer a few easy questions.

Step 1. Don't We Look Cute?

Are you wearing the same shirt, sweater, jacket or hat? Have you ever?

Step 2. God Gave Me Three Arms For A Reason

When in public do you carry her purse, even the very girlie ones? (Any answer other than "Yeah, occasionally." or "No." is considered an affirmative response.)

Step 3. Like Being Chocked By A Weak Midget.

Does your girlfriend make you carry her on your back in public more than once a year?

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After months of careful mathematical, psychological and sociological studies my team of mathematicians and I have come up with the following results:

Answer in the affirmative to any one (1) question:
There's a 46% chance your girlfriend is Chinese.

Answer in the affirmative to any two (2) questions:
There's a 100% chance your girlfriend is Chinese.

Answer in the affirmative to all three (3) questions:
Your Chinese girlfriend is taking advantage of you.

Brand Whores

For A Friend

Last night I went to a hardcore punk concert at a place called The Black Iron. I know, what a hardcore name, right?! The band playing was a Norwegian-Swedish-English amalgam known as Riots and they were pretty cool. 

Typical of rock shows in Nanchang nobody in the audience was doing much other than taking photos and shooting videos. I was at the show with the UN Security Council (representatives from the US, France, Russia, China, and England via Pakistan) and some of us tried to start a mosh pit. We failed. Miserably. It had worked before but last night was not our night.
Anyway: the point. Mid-show, mid-song a well-dressed, middle-aged hyphenated Chinese man grabbed the head of the guitarist's Gibson, gave it a two second look-look, and then gave the guitarist a thumbs up. The well-dressed, middle-aged overly hyphenated Chinese man approved of the guitar choice. Carry on.

I mentioned the incident to the band after the show and we had a laugh. Har har har. At some point shortly thereafter someone came to our mostly-foreigner table and asked where we were from. We laughed and answered (in order): Norway, US, England, Norway, France, Russia, Brazil, Sweden, Norway, Pakistan, China, and Pakistan again. What a fun night.  SL